The Slickness of Mario Kart World

Mario Kart World. More like Mario Kart best game in the world. Huh? Super Mario Brothers 2. No. Oh my god. I was right there. Not this time. Damn it. There. I got the cow sticker. If you think that I would go into a game of this caliber, like some kind of moronic amateur, I feel like you don't know me at all. I prepared for this moment. And I trained like never before, playing some of the most important video games that there is. Games like Bruno Big's Big Disney Racing at the Magic Kingdom featuring Bruno Biggs as a character. Oh, well, hello there. Brick is the name. Baron Carlot. Who the hell is Baron Carlot? This is the most evil character I've ever seen. Mario Kart World has an incredible roster of characters. Don't get me wrong. Look at this dance. They want me to pick him. There are more animals to pick in this game than Animal Team Racing for the PlayStation one, which is a real and real shitty game. Hogan is selectable. Nintendo knew what they were doing when they put this character on the front of the box art instead of Mario. I love Bumblebee. I love Penguin. Those are some of the most memorable characters of Mario. But you can never match up to the sheer star power and presence of Bruno Bigs. Why is Mickey so fat? That's not Mickey. That's Bruno Biggs. He has nothing to do with Mickey Mouse. He's his own character and a better character than Mickey. A more beloved and iconic character. Look, I got first place anyway. Wait, why am I first place and everyone else is gone? What happened to the other racers? He didn't eat them. It's a small world after all. When you play as Bruno Bigs, cuz he's so big. There's a character for every type of player. If you love bees, you can play as a snowman. If you love crab rangon, maybe take Bowser for a spin. Chip equals goat. Chip is a squirrel, my man. On top of the base roster, you also have this endless closet of varants. Every time you bite into a Yoshi burger, you are transformed into a new version of yourself. Once you've unlocked him, you'll enter every race as Bumblebee Wario, but you can never know what you'll come out the other end as. Probably Princess Yoshi. Even with all these characters and costumes and animals to play as though somehow Nintendo scammed me into playing as Mario. Oh, there's a wave button. Now that's new. Now I see that we're playing with the power of Switch 2. Wave back. Wave back. Wave back. Damn it. This was Wave Race 64. He would wave back. If this was Ants Extreme Racing for PlayStation 2, every single ant partaking in the race would wave to you before every race starts. Once I used the ancient shipwrecks to get a boost and unlock the phanto sticker, something inside of me changed. Don't kill me. How do I shoot that? It's like the Bumblebee Wario part of my psyche was taking over my entire personality and now I had to collect every single sticker in Mario Kart, even though they don't seem important at all. Wario Motors. That's a good company. They got to put stamps in GTA 6 now after this. Oh, you just shot a man in the back of the head. You got the Michael stamp. These guys. No, I should have got a stamp for doing that. Whenever my daughter goes to the grocery store, she gets a little sheet of stickers for going. How come I don't get that for playing Mario Kart? Well, now you do. They figured it out. Whenever you do your taxes, you should get a stamp. When you go to the dentist, you should get a stamp. Whenever you help somebody out or perform a good deed, you should get a stamp. This is the way we fix society. This is the way we discover that Wendy's does car interiors now. UFO. What's What's going on with that? What's this? In Garfield Cart, the UFO is the most daunting villain of all, but in Mario Kart World, Huh? You can play as the UFO because they know that we all love this game. That's why they're doing another one. Let's be clear here. This is better than Ants Racing, the Game Boy one at least. Everybody loves that part of Breath of the Wild where you exit out the cave and the piano starts swelling. You approach the cliff and it's like, dang. So, that's the kind of game I'm playing. The Mario Kart version of this moment did not occur till nighttime when I saw this. What? Sunshine Railway. But you can drive off of it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just like this time of type of game. Wait a minute. Wait a minute now. They knew what they were doing with the two. They they knew I was going down there. This is a slick game. This is a slick game. Hey guys. Oh. Even though Target sold me this game, they quickly became my first enemy because they don't give the baby stickers to a man in his 30s. I'm killing him. Get him. Get him. I killed this guy. I might have to chase him around the entire open world, but I'll kill him eventually. Red shell now. Here we go. Thank you. Oh, they all missed, huh? Hit me. Hit me, though. Oh, yeah. We're getting him. He went through all those. Huh? This is how I feel when I play Counter Strike. This guy will not get hit. Look how many I'm going at him. What is he doing? He's He's doing something. He can't be killed. He's He's just trolling me. I'm never going to kill this guy. I'm going back to ants. Kill him. Oh my god. I got him. I got him. I got a stamp. Nice. Yeah, after chasing this guy for 30 minutes and then the prize for hitting him with the shell was a picture of his face, I decided that this is one of the best open world games. But also, maybe they should have hidden this open world mode like after you beat the game as a bonus. Think back to the old Mario Kart where you could drive off the track in Royal Raceway and just start cruising around the castle courtyard from Mario 64. That was magic because it felt like you were breaking the rules of the game and seeing something you weren't supposed to. World's open world does that trick 3,000 times over, but you won't really appreciate it until you've sunk some decent time into these courses. It's raining items on me. Oh, that's badass. Luigi Card is one of the best games because it has the best courses of any racing game. And one of its best courses is Mount Wario. It's like a threecourse meal in one, but you're not really doing laps. It's just one huge continuous track. Mario Kart World is like Mount Wario World. That's the whole game now. In Grand Prix and Knockout Tour, nearly every lap is different. The courses in this game are as beautiful as Princess Peach rabbit version, but also as deep and full of secrets as Berto rabbit version. Check this out. Oh, crown city rank going to plummet. Never try to raise me a whistle top space for you. I'm ready to spill because I got more bills than desert hills. Shot shot time where you at? Heard you guys like to listen to circus music and leave baseballs on the ground and Here we go. Watch out for my funny out. The rules of racing games is that they always have to have the best graphics ever every time. And they definitely followed the rules on this one. This is one of the courses from Ants Racing. I don't think I will ever ever get sick of taking this turn on Mario Brothers Circuit where you are skirting the edge of a cliff and you can see all the way down. It's such a visually striking moment. And that's the end of that career. The cartoony lighting scheme and artificial perfection of Toad's factory. The way the sun blows off these beautiful rapids with leaves drifting down them on cheap cheap falls. The imposing way courses loom in the distance. The visuals are so varied with so much charm and character. The Forsa Horizon games are impressive in their own way, but in terms of atmosphere, there is one key area where Mario Kart absolutely destroys this franchise. In Forza, you have to listen to the music of Forza, but in this game, you get to listen to the soundtrack of this game. On top of the new compositions, they're doing new, sometimes multiple versions of songs from nearly every Mario Karton mainline Mario game. The scope of this soundtrack is psychotic. I think it has more songs than Final Fantasy Rebirth. Yeah. Heat. Heat. Kuzayyaku, Albert Whis, Kagrontilda, Jiminy Cricket, and the entire entire history of video games, there is not a single villain character that is more evil than the blue shell from Mario Kart. Which is why it is so so satisfying to finally be able to outsmart the blue shell. You can't do it like that, though. Witness the power of YouTube Rewind. YouTube Rewind. When it works, it is really, really cool. Trust me. You should do it. And it makes a little wave go off. Come on, man. That's badass. Xbox rewind. Holy Mario Kart's world is one of twists and turns, valleys and peaks. One moment you're on top of the world, the next moment you're under it. Nope. Nope. Hate this For every oh moment in the single player, there is an equal oh I'm never playing this game again moment in the multiplayer. Oh. Oh, this is me. This is me, ladies and gentlemen. This is bounce off the eagle. What the All right, check out this turn. Trying to get him off. Oh I make it a rule to always win on the seventh attempt. Watch this wall ride. Why? Huh? What was that? No, that was that was Do you play to win or have fun? I only play to win. I don't want fun to ever enter the equation. If I can do my famous wall skip here. The was that? I should have called this Mario Kart World Jack in the Beantock type of game. At the end of the day, Mario Kart World is a game of great skill where only the greatest player will win by utilizing the incredible What the I'm going to use my famous wall jump. Failure. Stop getting on the wall. Listen, I know that it never works, but remember that one time where it worked? I didn't want it to come to this. There's no emotion on my face right now. I'm not having any fun. I feel nothing. Boom. I don't give a There. I think that was my third third or fourth try, right? Mario Kart World combines the unexpected roster of Bruno Big's Big City Racing with the massive scope and collectibles of Muppets Race Mania. The courses are more bountiful than those served at Olive Garden and set to a decade spanning soundtrack which can go toe-to-toe with legends like Sonic R and Mickey's Raceway USA. But the final piece of the puzzle is the platforming. The more I wrap my head around the rail grinding and wall riding, the more it's like I'm opening a Pandora's box of oh shitness. This summer we get Elden Ring, Mario Kart, Delta Rune, Death Stranding 2, and Donkey Kong. I don't know what I did, but thank you. No, no, no. Heat. Heat. What? What? Heat. Heat.